Rocky with bikinis.


Cliffnotes review:
Rocky with bikinis.

This film goes to: 4
Rated (PG-13)
Directed by: John Stockwell
Starring: Kate Bosworth, Michelle Rodriguez, Matthew Davis, Sanoe Lake, Mika Boorem
Written by: Susan Orlean, Lizzy Weiss
Paramount Pictures
Official site

Interested in seeing a completely homogenized, recycled version of practically every other sports-themed flick that has been churned out over the past 20 years? If your answer is, "Yes," then Blue Crush is the film for you.

The Summer of Extreme has pulled surfing out of its shallow hat with this film based on the Outside Magazinearticle "Surf Girls of Maui" by Susan Orlean. Though unfamiliar with the piece in question, I have to go on the assumption that, given the usual quality of material published in Outside, very little of the original story made its way into the final screenplay for Crush. This is just an assumption, however.

"Rocky with Bikinis" might have been salvageable had it stuck with the original premise: surfer-babes battling for the respect they justly deserve, rather than descending into the romance hell-hole this mindless tripe became. Crush features Kate Bosworth (Anne Marie/Rocky) as a gifted surfer who must juggle playing Mom to her younger sister, working a crappy job, training for the Pipe Masters Championship and overcoming a near-death accident in the same surf in which the competition is held all while romancing a Pro Bowl quarterback mere days before the event in question is set to take place. (Whew.) Matthew Davis is horribly mis-cast as the scrawny QB/love interest (Matt Tollman/Adrian) and sports a magical five o'clock shadow throughout the film. Michelle Rodgiguez phones in her portrayal of Bosworth's bestest friend and surf-buddy (Eden/Mick) who keeps reminding us that the competition is just "x days away". One wouldn't have been surprised in the least to hear her say, "(Wo)Men weaken legs!" or some other such nonsense. The rest of the cast is relegated to either eye candy or fish-out-of-water status with the notable exception of Faizon Love who does an admirable job playing Orca out of water and delivers the best fat-dude-in-a-grass-skirt since, well… ever.

What Crush lacks in plausible plot or character development, it makes up for (slightly) in decent surfing footage, special effects and bikini-time logged. These segments are too few and far between, however to make up for the dismal storyline and, end the end, Crush is just another in a long line of bad, romance-infused sports flicks. If you are interested in seeing incredible surfing, check out Eternal Summer or any of the offerings from the major surf magazines. For a great movie, go rent Rocky.

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Critter Critique: This week's review brought to you by Gavin.
Fatal Attraction:  Yet another example of Hollywood schlock served up in a double boiler. Though Fatal Attraction starts innocently enough, I was shocked and appalled to witness the on-screen atrocity put forth as entertainment in act three. Trust me, this one is not fit for man nor beast. Ginger Pants